I cannot describe how I feel today. I feel blessed and yet depressed, I feel elated and yet deprived. What is this strange spectrum of feelings that possesses me? A little voice speaks through the humdrum of my thoughts, “You’re a Grandma now.” Oh, that makes sense. Menopause has left me hot and grouchy…hot flashes are coming and going like the blinker on my white Taurus, and my poor husband is never really sure I’m going to laugh at his jokes, or cry because…well, I don’t even know the because of it!. What I needed was a pick-me-up. Being a new Grandma was just what I needed to reward this ole’ gal.
It has been a few weeks since I left my precious granddaughter and resumed my normal routine, work, sleep, work, sleep, work, sleep. Life just seems to drag by. I live on the precious memories and the pictures of my little princess. I never dreamed I could love someone as much as I love my own children. I just never allowed the thought to germinate. I love my kids, probably to a fault if a parent can love them that much. On second thought, I don’t think you can love your kids too much…I have found one that I love as much…my little grandchild.
I’m missing her tonight. I’ve moved from “wish I could see her” to “I’m depressed.” She is growing up without me and that is a tragedy. Of course, she is only one month old, but hey, she is probably a whole pound heavier, she smiles now and shows more personality. I feel like the proverbial actress missing the curtain call! (And all the long distance Grandma’s said Amen!)
We have tried to make the transition away from our little grandbaby as painless as possible. Thanks to a very technological husband, my days are much more bearable. We bought my daughter a webcam. That way, we can “see” them when we talk. It is really amazing! The first time Marenda brought Madison to “see” Grammy and Grampy, she seemed so close I could almost reach out and touch her. Oh, what a wonderful thing to live in the era of technology! I’m so blessed.
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